Why shame makes us hide.
Why shame makes us hide.
One of the most difficult things about shame is that it rarely wants to be seen.
For many years, I thought I as hiding because I was embarrassed about my eating. I thought if I could just stop binge eating, lose weight, or get things under control, I would no longer feel the need to keep parts of myself hidden.
But over time, I began to realise that shame itself was driving much of that hiding.
Shame has a way of making us believe that if people really knew what was going on, they would judge us, reject us, or think less of us. It convices us that we need to keep struggling in private.
For some people, hiding might look like eating in secret. For others, it might mean hiding food wrappers, avoiding social situations, declining invitations, or pretending everything is fine when it isn’t. Sometimes the hiding isn’t obvious at all. Sometimes it simply looks like carrying everything alone.
The difficult thing is that shame and isolation often go hand in hand. The more ashamed we feel, the more likely we are to withdraw. The more we withdraw, the more alone we fee.
And when we feel alone, food can begin to feel like one of the few things that offers comfort, relief or destraction.
Without realising it, the cycle continues.
What makes this particularly painful is that many people assume their shame is evidence that something is wrong with them. They see the shame as proof of failure.
But what if it isn’t?
What if shame isn’t evidence that you are broken, weak, or lacking willpower?
What if it is simply a sign that you are struggling and carrying more than you were ever meant to carry along?
That shift in perspective was important for me.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” I began asking, “What am I carrying?”
I didn’t make everything disappear overnight, but is softened something.
Because shame thrives in silence. It grows when it convinces us that we are the only person who feels this way.
The truth is, so many people are carrying similar struggles behind closed doors.
Perhaps one of the most powerful steps towards change isn’t fixing yourself.
Perhaps it’s allowing yourself to be seen a little more clearly, and realising that you were never as alone as shame wanted you to believe.
A gentle reflection
If shame has been encouraging you to hide, ask yourself this:
What would it feel like to meet this struggle with understanding instead of secrecy?
Not all at once.
Just one small step at a time.
Link to my self-help guide below
