Six myths about binge eating that can keep you stuck

Six things I no longer believe about binge eating

There are so many messages we absorb about binge eating. That we need more willpower. That we need to be stricter. That certain foods simply cannot be trusted in the house. That if we could just learn to control ourselves, the problem would disappear.

For a long time, I believed many of these things too. But the more I have understood binge eating, shame and our relationship with food, the more I have questioned some of those beliefs.

Here are six things I no longer believe.

1. That you just need more willpower

This is probably one of the most damaging beliefs surrounding binge eating. When a binge happens, it is so easy to conclude

“I need to try harder next time.”

So you make another set of rules. You promise yourself you will be more disciplined. You remove certain foods from the house. And when it happens again, you blame yourself. But binge eating is far more complicated than simply having enough willpower.

Stress, restriction, emotions, exhaustion, habit, shame and unmet needs can all play a part. If willpower alone were the answer, most people struggling with binge eating would have solved it years ago.

Perhaps instead of asking:

“Why can’t I control myself?”

We need to become curious about:

“What is happening for me when I feel I need to binge?”

Those are two very different conversations.

2. That one binge means you’ve ruined the day

This is classic all-or-nothing thinking. You have a binge and immediately think:

“well, I’ve blown it now”

And once the day has been labelled a failure, continuing to eat can almost feel inevitable. You might promise yourself that tomorrow will be different. Or Monday. Or the beginning of next month. But one difficult moment doesn’t have to determine what happens next. You don’t need to compensate for it. You don’t need to punish yourself for it. And you certainly don’t need to turn one binge into evidence that you have failed.

The next choice is simply the next choice.

3. That shame will motivate you to stop

After a binge, the inner critic often arrives quickly.

“What is wrong with you?”

“You have absolutely no self-control.”

Part of us can genuinely believe this criticism is useful. Perhaps if we make ourselves feel bad enough, we’ll remember the feeling next time and finally stop. But shame rarely creates the kind of lasting change we’re hoping for. In fact, feeling ashamed can leave us distressed, isolated and desperate for relief – all of which can feed straight back into the cycle. Compassion doesn’t mean pretending a behaviour isn’t causing you difficulties, it mean creating enough emotional safety to understand it.

You can want something to change without hating yourself for struggling with it.

4. That avoiding your “trigger foods” will make you safer around them

It sounds completely logical.

“If I binge on chocolate, I simply won’t buy chocolate.”

And sometimes removing a food may feel easier in the short term. But it can also reinforce the belief:

“I cannot be trusted around this food.”

The food becomes more powerful and you become more frightened of losing control around it. And when you eventually encounter it, the sense of urgency can be even greater.

Recovery isn’t necessarily about becoming brilliant at avoiding food, it can involve gradually developing a different relationship with it. One where food doesn’t need to be either completely forbidden or eaten with a sense of “I’d better have it all now because tomorrow I’m not allowed it.”

5. That a “perfect” day of eating means you’re doing well

This one is particularly sneaky.

You eat exactly as planned with no foods you consider as “bad”. No overeating or deviations. And at the end of the day you think:

“Finally. I was good today.”

But it’s worth asking what “good” actually means. Were you responding to hunger? Were you flexible? Did you enjoy your food? Could you have coped if the plan had changed, or did the day feel successful because you managed to follow every rule?

A peaceful relationship with food isn’t the same as a perfectly controlled one. If feeling successful depends upon eating perfectly food can remain something you have to constantly monitor and manage.

6. That every urge to binge needs to be fought

When an urge arrives, the instinct is often:

STOP IT.

Distract yourself. Fight it. Resist. Make it go away.

And sometimes, delaying or changing what you’re doing can absolutely be useful. But I no longer believe every urge has to become a battle. An urge can also be information. Perhaps you’re physically hungry. Perhaps you’ve restricted throughout the day. Perhaps you’re exhausted. Maybe you’re overwhelmed, lonely, bored or seeking comfort. Or perhaps you simply want something you’ve spent all week telling yourself you aren’t allowed.

Instead of immediately asking:

“How do I make this urge disappear?”

try:

“What might this urge be asking for?”

You don’t have to have the perfect answer, the shift from fighting yourself to becoming curious about yourself is important in itself.

For more information please see this post

Link to my self-help guide below.